irish-limericks
Irish Limericks at The Irish Gift House

Irish Limericks: The Irish Gift House

Take a look at this collection of Irish Limericks at The Irish Gift House; they are free and we hope that you get a laugh or two.

Limericks originated in the Irish town of Limerick and variants can be traced to the fourteenth century. Limericks consist of five anapestic lines, the pattern of the rhyme is a - a - b - b – a.
Lines 1, 2, and 5 of Limericks have seven to ten syllables and rhyme with one another.
Lines 3 and 4 of Limericks have five to seven syllables and also rhyme with each other.
Typically the content of Limericks can often border on the indecent, the dirty, or even the obscene, but they make people laugh! Limericks are easy to remember and are short so no great talent is necessary to compose one.  Limericks are a form of poetry that everyone feels happy to try (especially when inebriated).

There once was a man from Nantucket,
 Who kept all his cash in a bucket,
 But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantookit

There once was an old man of Lyme
Who married three wives at a time.
When asked, “Why a third?”
He replied, “One's absurd!
And bigamy, sir, is a crime.”

A gourmet dining at Crewe
Found a rather large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter, "Don't shout
And wave it about,
Or the rest will be wanting one, too."

There once was a slimmer named Steen
Who grew so phenomenally lean
And flat, and compressed,
That his back touched his chest,
So that sideways he couldn't be seen.

There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all
And now he's a college professor.

The following Limericks were submitted by friends of The Irish Gift House

There once was a man named Profaci
Who cooked all his food on a Hibachi
One day the food burned
And then the man learned
And moved up his Hibachi a notchi

Limericks are supposed to be fun
But I still can't seem to write one
I rather prefer haikus
There's nothing to lose
But I'd be over the moon if I won

The Irish Gift House is great
They're the real deal, not fake
I went in for a glance
and I near wet my pants
for they even had Tayto and Flake

I went to the pub for a drink
A man said its Patty's day I think
SO I pinched his arm
I really meant no harm
But now I'm sitting in the clink

There once was a lass named Pat
Who had three sons name Matt, Nat and Tat
Well, there was fun in the breeding
But when it came time for the feeding
She found there was no tit for Tat

A GIRL JOINED A MEN'S TEAM FOR LUCK
SHE WAS HOPING TO MEET A YOUNG BUCK
SHE THOUGHT "WOW MY NIGHT'S GONNA BE GOOD"
BUT SHE MISUNDERSTOOD
WHEN SHE HEARD HIM YELL "WATCH OUT FOR THE PUCK"

THERE ONCE WAS A WOMAN WITH A PLAN
NO IT WASN'T TO GET HER A MAN
HER MAIN FOCUS, HER CAUSE
TO GET THROUGH MENOPAUSE
SO SHE COULD FINALLY TURN OFF THE FAN!

There once was a man in A-Z
Who was as Irish as one can be.
It has often been told
That he liked to spend his gold
At The Irish Gift Shop here in Tempe!

They say Patrick’s a Norse a Viking of course
But he left his dear homeland of Sweden
To live with the snakes
In the Isle of Lakes
In his life and his death he had Eden

So Kerry and Andrew reached out
for some limericks here and about
but they never expected
to get so connected
with such an incorrigible lout!

It's fun to be Italian and Irish
Every dinner Nonna makes is delish
Your Gramps buys you beer
Your home's full of good cheer
For what more could anyone wish?

Shamrocks or four leaf -clovers are green,
To be found is something rarely seen.
They bring you good luck!
But not if you’re a duck!
Only works on fairies and human beans!

There once was a Leprechaun from Dublin.
Whose name was McFinnigan McFin!
He hoarded his gold,
Or so we’ve been told
And left nothing for the rest of his kin.

There once was a teacher from New York.
Who liked to eat Irish taters with a fork!
Said her Irish student, Maureen,
“You eat Irish taters, so clean”
I must admit you are kind of a dork.

Oh lordy to be a man, natural born Irish!
There really is nothing like it!
A true “brown bred” tater.
For, a man nothing greater.
Oh yeah, except for the she’s and to date her!

There once was a lad from Doon,
Who owned a singing baboon,
And when folks walked past,
They would let out a gasp,
As he sang them their favourite tune!!!!!

There once was a young man named Phil
Who had a puppy named Bill.
When asked, "Does he bite?"
Phil answered, "He might."
Then the puppy named Bill bit Phil.