This Irish tea towel features the following witticism:
A Mother’s Letter Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I am writing this slowly because I know that you can’t read fast. Your won’t know the house when you come home we’ve moved. About your father, he has got a lovely new job. He has 500 men under him, he cuts grass at the cemetery. Your sister Mary had a baby this morning I haven’t found out yet whether it’s a boy or a girl so I don’t know if you’re an aunt or an uncle. I went to the doctors on Thursday and your father came with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for 10 minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him. Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of Irish whiskey at the Dublin brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took 3 days to put the fire out. It only rained twice this week, first for 3 days then for 4 days. We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last payment on your grandmother’s plot wasn’t paid in 7 days, up she comes. Your loving mother.
P.S. I was going to send you 5 pounds but I have already sealed the envelope.